My Decision, My life
by Rosie
Summary: As Aragorn passes away the words of her father comes back to haunt her. Arwen tearfully leaves Minas Tirith to pass away in Lothlórien but never regrets her decision of choosing a mortal life.
1. Default Chapter

**My Decision, my life**

**Summary:** As Aragorn passes away the words of her father comes back to haunt her. Arwen tearfully leaves Minas Tirith to pass away in Lothlórien but never regrets her decision of choosing a mortal life.

_When the cold of winter comes_

_Starless night will cover day_

_In the veiling of the sun_

_We will walk in bitter rain_

_But in dreams _

_I still hear your name_

_And in dreams _

_We will meet again_

_When the seas and mountains fall_

_And we come to end of days_

_In the dark I hear a call_

_Calling me there_

_I will go there_

_And back again_

_'In Dreams' – The Fellowship of the Ring_

**Prologue**

The women wept and the men bowed their heads as the coffin carries lowered the most renowned King of Gondor into his tomb. The whole City moved in a mass of black, mourning and weeping the loss. 

 Most of the people felt sad for the widow left behind, the magical and beautiful elven maid of Arwen, daughter of Lord Elrond of Rivendell.

 Elves were immortal creatures living ages long, but they had a choice to sail West when they felt it was time to live, in the Undying Lands where every day of their life turned to memory and life was blissful, but not real. They could only die in battle or of a broken heart many say, and unlike mortal persons elves they do not become sick and they can survive most mortally fatal wounds. 

But there is no cure for a broken heart. 

 Arwen, unlike other elves could choose as her father did before her due to him being half elven she could decide which life she wished to live – an immortal or mortal life.

 Her love for the human once a Ranger from the North, the lost and later crowned King of Gondor was so strong and powerful not even the twisted evilness of Sauron could break it. That is what made her choose the life she lived. Her faith in him throughout the fiercest wars of an age never wavered even when Gondor and Aragorn were at their darkest and most venerable hours. 

 But against all chances they held on for victory and so after all had ended Aragorn was crowned King Elessar and he wed Arwen Evenstar. 

 One hundred and twenty years later, the longest reign of any King of Gondor Aragorn gave his final breath and passed away.    

 Their son Eldarion took over the throne, and the younger daughters remained changed since the loss of their remained silent yet loyal at their brother's side.  They had all noted the change in their mother soon after Aragorn had passed, she seemed wearily and fragile, as if she no longer had a reason to live any longer now that the love of her life was gone.


	2. Part 1

**Part 1**

**Arwen's point of view.******

Now that he is gone I find myself utterly alone in the kingdom I now find pressurised in. I feel there is nothing left here for me. My children have grown up to be as strong and as beautiful as I imaged. They are independent and now longer need the hand of their mother to comfort them. I feel just like another shadow that flutters past my face as I walk through the city where the people turn their heads sumpathicly to me or turn away believing I have out lived my welcome. Maybe they are right, maybe I have out lived it and it is time for me to leave, and leave behind the life I once lived. 

 As I sit here alone in the garden where I and Aragorn spent much time enjoying and relaxing in I can now truly understand the words of my father after I had told him of my choice. _"Even if Aragorn is made King and all that you wish for comes true, you will still feel the bitter taste of mortally. May it either be by the sword or by the bitterness of mortality Aragorn will die. But you, my daughter will live on, shrouded in grief and pain until the dying of the earth you will remain alone until the long years of your life are utterly spent."_

 But father I have made my choice and I was glad I made such away. If I had chosen to sail away like you tried to make me I would not be here, a mother to three beautiful children, and the wife to a man I love dearly even in death I still love him. 

I made my choice, father, but now…now I am alone.

 No one could possibly understand me, no one has taken the path I have chosen for someone they love and have explained why they felt so compassioned to remain behind to watch those around you die. 

 A young child's laugher rang shrilly through the air and broke my depressing thoughts and I watched them chase each other around the gardens, two small boys filled with so much laughter and joy, innocence and beauty. A smile touches my lips as they leap on each other and wrestle upon the ground still laughing merrily. The time when my children were that young seemed like only yesterday to me, they have grown up quickly to be the adults they are now, strong, brave and understanding. They would make good rulers in the future. My oldest has the biggest challenge of all of carrying on where Aragorn left off, leading in his wake to be as strong and as fair as his father. 

 I have no doubt that they would have difficulties following his legacy, but somewhere inside of me I can fell a change as I stare around the gardens I once loved.

 I feel nothing now, only grief and pain. Nothing seems to capture the light that I once saw anymore. Even the two boys playing close by seemed to have stopped laughing. 

 I can see myself seating here, right on this very bench in the future, where the city has fallen into disrepair and the streets are empty. I can see myself gently touching with caring and gently hands the grave of my husband when the world is about to break, my fathers words mocking me.

Shaking the image from my head I stand and sigh. 

The time has come. I can no longer stay here, I must leave for grief eats me and I will never be able to recover from it for whenever I would look at my children I would see him, smiling from beneath their eyes and skin. I will never be able to let him go if I stay here. 

 I will never regret my decision to stay behind as I have live a long and full life with the man I loved dearly, but it has left me empty inside, the pain from his loss will never leave me.

 I must leave and move my pain and grief away from this city where still much happy life lives here, the longer I stay the dampened that happy and life filled atmosphere would die.

 I will take with me no supplies or luggage as I do not plan to return from my journey. But before I leave there is just one more, painful thing to do – say goodbye to my children.


	3. Part 2

**Part 2**

****

****

My soft shoes make no noise as I enter the throne room where my husband and I once sat, but now where my son and eldest daughter now sits. They polite nod their heads to me as I near. Feeling some what pressurised and ashamed I kneel before them and can hear they disapproval. 

"Mother," my son whispers, "you do not have kneel" he hisses, but I take no notice.

"It does not matter now" I reply, "I must speak with you all". 

Out from the shadows slips my youngest and she kneels beside me, watching me keenly, her hand in mine. The room falls silent, even the bustle of the streets below are muffled, everyone seems to holding their breath waiting for all hell to break loose. Or perhaps they already know what I am about to say? Either way I must say it, they should hear it from my mouth not another. 

I take a deep breath and I begin, "You know of the choice I made to be here." I start with some difficultly, "You know why I made my choice"

They nod.

"Now that I have given up all that I have known for him, there is nothing left here for me to embrace." I look from their sad faces to another. "When I look at you I can see the love we shared in your eyes and I cannot face another day of my life without him. I love you all drearily but –"

"We understand, mother" my son gently whispered placing a comforting hand upon my cheek and rubbed away my tears. "We understand and somehow knew this would happen. You choice to stay to be with him, and now that he is gone you cannot let go of the love you two shared." he said. "We will not stop you if you decide to leave."

I looked up to their faces in disbelief as I believed they would beg and pled with me to stay, but instead they returned faces of soft understanding and comfort.

"We only want what is best for you, and if leaving Minas Tirith is better for you then go" my eldest daughter said. "You have seen how well you and father have bought us up, we can mange on our own. We have many good reliable friends that would only be willing to help us if we run into difficulties."

I nod my tearful head, my children indeed have many good connections with some of my husbands friends such as the few remaining Elves of Mirkwood and the Dwarves of the north plus their own friends they have made through the life time. 

Suddenly I feel safe knowing that my children once young and helpless are mature and sensible, wise and strong as a family even without me I am touched to hear they would do anything to make me happy and where prepared to live the rest of their life time alone without me. 

One by one I kiss them goodbye and give each of them a message of good luck and of fortune. 

To my youngest I kiss her upon the forehead, still holding her hand and I say to her: "Hold onto the stars my little one, and cling onto your dreams. Work hard and always be polite and one day you will reach them. Be strong for me" A tear slipped down her check and I wipe it away kissing her again and letting her hand slip from my grip. As I move away I can feel her straighten herself and immediately take on what I have said.

I move to my eldest daughter and kiss her upon her checks and I say: "Look after your brother and sister; control that flare and you will go far. Always look about you and you will find what you are looking for" I watch masking a slight smile as her brow winkles into a frown.

And finally to my only son and kiss him gently and say: "Let your heart and mind rule you not your sense of power, be reasonable and fair to all, and always remember what you father has taught you". With his eyes watering he leant forward and returned my kiss muttering: "Namaarie, atara(1)"

Slowly we part and again I turn to all three of my children for the last time, and with a wave of my hand I turn to leave and set forth from the Kingdom that I once lived with the love of my live on my journey that I will not return from. 

(1)Farwell, mother


	4. Part 3

**Part 3**

****

To Lothlórien and to death I wonder alone. I take with me no horse, no maid and no supplies. Across countryside and mountains I walked, alone and unafraid. 

I can still see the pained and disappointed expression upon my fathers face after I had revealed my choice. He was hurt beyond all measure: _"You gave away your life's grace…I cannot protect you anymore"_ and he turned away, but never abandoned me, though I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at me he was disappointed. 

The plains of Rohan slip beneath my feet as I wonder onwards never regretting my choice; I have spent a long blissful, loving life with the one I love and together we raised three beautiful children. 

_"I would rather spent one life with you then to spend a lifetime without" _I can recall whispering to Aragorn in Rivendell, pressing the Evenstar into his hands. He looked fearfully at the jewel for a moment understanding the sacrifice I would make.

"_You cannot commit this"_ he replied attempting to push the jewel back onto me. 

_"It is a gift – keep it"_

I watched over him all the time he was aboard, withdrawing myself into silence watching and waiting for him to return to me. 

I watched him battle through the war in Rohan battle throughout the night to help his neighbours defend against the threat of Saruman. I watched him and Thèoden become good friends, so close that when Sauron threatened Gondor Thèoden recruited the Rohirrim to his friends needs. 

The time was right to help push Aragorn in the correct direction, though my father was unsure he would take that path. He did not share the same understanding of Aragorn as I did. I had to force my father to create it, to create a blade that would strike fear into Sauron's heart and cause the men of Gondor country to follow Aragorn the rightful King no matter where he would taken them, even into the depths of Mordor and to their deaths. 

I only wish I was there to watch the transformation the sword made on him. He embraced his destiny and tested his courage and inner strength. To take the path through the mountains where The Dead dwelt was his test of his path. He could have turned back and followed the Rohirrim and risk losing the battle, but he choice to the more dangerous and frightening path of the mountains. The path itself was testing enough but to recruit the Dead was his ultimate test. To win them over would give his country the strongest chance of survival. 

Through war and grief I watched him from afar willing him onwards, praying for him keep his courage and not to stray from his path. 

After all had passed and the Ring finally destroyed our paths finally crossed again. When he left Rivendell he still called himself a Ranger of the North and denied any other title he was called, but there in Minas Tirith he had changed. He had shed the shadows he bore; cast away his past surrounded in mystery and openly embraced his role, this destiny, his throne. 

I cannot put into words the love we had, as I write this to you my dear reader. 

In the forest of Lothlórien I lay upon Cerin Amroth, under the fading Mallorn trees. The land is still, silent, cold and empty without its Lord or Lady who had passed over the Sea. 

Here I lay upon my green grave until the world is changed and all the days of my life are utterly forgotten by men that come after, and elanor and niphredil bloom no more east of the Sea.

I whisper into the sky: "This was my decision, my life and have never regretted it"

End


End file.
